A surgical holiday

 For me, writing is healing. I now embark on this journey of penning down a recent incident in my life that is a life lesson for me in many ways. My intention to publish it in my blog is that it could help someone in need.

My fiftieth birthday brought me many pleasant unforgettable surprises from my family,friends and colleagues. Can't be more grateful. On March 11, 2022, an unpleasant surprise came with a slip and fall. With a "pop" in my knee I fell down. An MRI revealed that ACL ( anterior cruciate ligament) of my  left knee was completely torn ( along with meniscus tear etc). Instinctively I reached for my mobile to ask Google guru. Understood anatomy of the knee, surgical process etc. One concern I had was, most patients are young  sports persons. At my age how successful would my rehabilitation be? I could not sleep that night. I called my husband the next morning . He was in Chennai then. He immediately contacted his friend Dr.Arumugam,  senior consultant in arthroscopy and sports medicine at Sri Ramachandra medical centre, Chennai. Very casually he said " come, let's get your knee ready for treks and yoga" . To hear these words from a very accomplished surgeon meant a lot to me. I felt rejuvenated.
The surgery was fixed for March 18. After all the pre-op procedures,  I was actually anticipating the surgery and looking forward to getting back to normalcy. I knew I was in safe hands. I consoled myself thinking " thank God it's my knee and not my hips " and stayed very positive. Ironically March 18 is world sleep day and the general anesthesia put me on a long tranquil sleep.  Usually my first warning sign of work overload would be disturbed sleep. ( I would not call it stress... cos I love my profession  ). The message for my racing mind was to SLEEP...GENTLY SLEEP...

After the surgery, as the effect of pain killers was wearing out, my leg started to feel heavier and heavier. The first two days at the hospital, I felt weak and vulnerable. When doctor asked " how do you feel" I said, with all the pain " not okay". He once again had the right words to console me. "You know, from women patients ,usually we get 7 to 7.5 mm of hamstring graft. But for you, it was 10 mm, like that for some soccer players. " I regained hope and his words keep  ringing in my ears even today. 

Words have power. As an educationist I have experienced it many times. As a patient I have received it today from my surgeon.
Sleep eluded and at midnight I had this conversation with my legs on the second day after surgery.
My dear twins.........
Thanks for helping me realise your value. Casually you  bear the burden of my upper body.  You have carried this physical body untiringly without complaining. I would hurriedly dab some coconut oil after a quick shower and never cared to nurture you enough. Now when I sit in bed, I realize how many of your movements I have taken for granted.
I KNOW I would miss my yoga
I KNOW I would miss my long walks
I KNOW I would miss my race with my cat isha ( I would skip a couple of steps as I run up the staircase to beat her!)
I KNOW I would miss my campus walks and talks with my teachers at both our schools.
I KNOW I would miss the priceless smiles of children as I glide through the corridors..

Brisk walking is like breathing for me. Any holiday is not complete without long walks. I  know it would be many months before I resume all the activities I love. Even learning to walk is going to be painful. I was  in pain. Every new movement brought pain. I did not cry. But when my son told me that our cat isha had her surgery ( neutering procedure) I asked for a video call with her. When she heard my voice she frantically looked around and got up to walk with her tiny bandaged body. I cried... and cried ..... And felt healed.

Every dark cloud has a silver lining. The nursing care at the hospital was extraordinary and I relaxed myself with audio books. I  wanted to believe that I was fine; just that my knee needs a surgical procedure. Ramana Maharishi's " who am I?"gives me spiritual strength through tough times.

After discharge from hospital we went to spend a week at my cousins place so that I could finish my doctor's review and head back home. Inspite of the pain and discomfort,  their love and care overwhelmed me and I felt I was on a wellness holiday. Rehabilitation exercises are very crucial to regain  full range of movements. It is important to strengthen our hamstrings, quads and calf muscles.  Especially after an age it matters even more. Another life lesson for me ! My fabulous physiotherapist Ms.Janaki pushed me to my limits and refused to give up. She would be my friendly foe as I move into my next phase of recovery.

Our legs hold us grounded to mother earth when our spirits are soaring high. Slow and steady is sometimes better than fast and fantastic !
The Chariot has no value when the wheels are broken. My legs are now telling me " Oh charioteer,please take care of me". Let me stay in surrender to the divine and listen to my doctors and physiotherapists.
Sometimes life compels us to press the pause button. May be to retrospect, may be to delegate, may be to prioritize.  I am listening to you dear zindagi !

Life is like a Rollercoaster. Let me learn to enjoy the ride. 

Note: I am right now in the car, on my way back home. Thanks to my uncle's luxurious benz van, I can comfortably stretch my braced legs and complete this writing , putting together  my journal entries over the past ten days.
As I complete, we are crossing vaniyambadi and I can see gentle showers as our driver switches the car wipers on. Nature heals.